(Tammy143@gmail.com)

Ahh my days in 'Nam, I remember them well. J Surprisingly, after being in Thailand (which was beautiful and a slice of heaven after India) I think Viet Nam may be my favorite!!?? (Shockingly unexpected!).  What was it that made the visit so memorable? Maybe it was visiting the war museums and reliving the terror our country inflicted upon theirs that brought me to tears. Or it could have been the forgiving Vietnamese people who spoke with gentle sparkling eyes. Could it have been the sensory overload inflicted on me with every cautious step in the streets? We were forced to weave through thousands of motorbikes and rickshaws, just to cross the street. Was it the ever present smell of Pho (fish soup) and merchants, donning their conical hats, shouting at us to buy their knick-knacks with a "Good price fo you". I think it might have been the handicapped orphans that really grabbed my heart.  There's no place like 'Nam. J

I remember the first day we visited the orphanage, we were told to prepare ourselves for what we would see. The precious babies broke our hearts. Whether it was the lasting effects of Agent Orange or domestic abuse, the children were afflicted with every possible sickness and medical condition I've ever heard of, everything from cleft lips to water on the brain and even cerebral palsy and severe deformities.  Normally their appearance would make me turn and cry...and yet, God allowed me to look only into their precious little brown eyes and express His great love for them. I prayerfully picked them up and held them close as if they were my own. There were hundreds of them craving love and affection, yet bound to their loveless cribs. 

Two 4 year old twins sharing a crib caught my attention. They both wanted desperately to be held and clung to me. So wet cloth diapers and all, I held them as long as I could. They squealed with delight as I bounced them on my knees and hummed the Pink Panther tune to them with a special tummy tickle at the end. (They always tensed up a bit when that part of the song came.) When it was time to go, I set them back down and they cried and stretched their little arms through their cage like crib  -so terribly sad! L I pray God will continue to hold and love them.

As you can see in the pictures below, my aunt Fran came to visit the kids too!! (Notice little "Jack" with 6 fingers.) I told her about how unique 'Nam is and she came out!!! I couldn't believe it!!! It was such a blessing to have her there! It was a great time to gather thoughts and be fresh again! Praise God for family!!! -What a blessing!!!

We are in Cambodia now and were able to visit one of the wonders of the world, Angkor Wat, the largest temple in the world!  (Also where Tomb Raider was shot.)  

Here we are working with AIDS orphanage, teaching English and ministering in the slums here. God is amazing and continuously faithful to our health and spiritual well-being.  

Less than 3 weeks to go! It has been quite the journey!!! Praise the Lord!!!

Ministry here in India has been amazing! The orphans are beautiful, loving and the best behaved kids I have ever seen. It's especially impressive that there are over 100 of them and only 5 adults to keep them in line.

We visited them daily, taught Bible lessons, played and loved on them with everything in us. We provided them with monetary gifts too such as fans, fixed electrical problems, painted, cleaned provided food and clothes.

On our last day, they thanked us profusely for all we had done. The most touching were the cards made of construction paper which said how much they enjoyed seeing just our faces. They will pray for us and they love us so much "Good buy we will miss you!" The misspellings are so enduring. J

We shared tears and hopes of talking soon. They have a piece of my heart and always will. I wish I could take all of their little smiling faces home with me.

We also did ministry with the leper colony. One word: Amazing!!! Beyond anything I would expect or imagine. We became friends with several people who have lived there for years. One couple that was particularly special was an older couple and the man was suffering from leprosy and had a horrible infection on his arm. I have never seen anything like it. The flies were swarming and gobbling up the gruesome liquid oozing from the open wounds.  He was all skin and bones with a long grey beard. I climbed into his little shack and sat on the floor with him and prayed for God to comfort him. It was very quiet with the exception of his groaning from the excruciating  pain. I felt helpless and prayed God would have mercy on him. We visited him on a Thursday and returned on Monday to find he had died on Friday.

My heart sank and the feeling of desperation and sadness filled my whole being. I sat and wept with his widow on the floor where he used to be. I have never felt such desperation and sadness. I felt her loss while looking around at the tiny shack she lived in. It made our living conditions look like the Taj Mahal.

Here I am, going on and on in my last blog about our tough conditions in a house with running water and electricity. When comparatively, I have a disgusting amount more than I deserve.

I am so thankful for all of the blessings I have no matter what, God gives me everything I need just when I need it. He is faithful and always good!

We fly out to Thailand today at midnight. Looking forward to what God will do there!!!

God bless you!                  (As I'm sure He has been.) J

As some of you know, I was in India in '06 with Joyce Myer for a supporters trip. We stayed in hotels visited the sights during their winter time of 65 degrees and a pleasant trip. 

This is nothing like that.

Please allow me to paint the picture for you. Please prepare yourself, this is not an exaggeration.

All 25 of us are staying in a concrete house in dirty, old bunk beds with mattresses that are as soft as wood. It is an unusually uncomfortable 90 degrees at night and about 110 degrees during the day with 100%humidity. (last night I found one of my journals with mold on it!) I have never been so consistently hot in all my life. We drip sweat nonstop. Our only relief is the fans we have on constantly. That is, when the electricity doesn't cut out. Sometimes we run out of water, like the other day.   We went without water for 2 days. Imagine 25 of us sweating and smelling like spicy dung (their food smell comes out of our pores) and no showers. We can't wash clothes by hand. (no washers here) The toilets don't flush and a majority of us are adjusting to the food. (If you know what I mean) The smell is less than pleasant. The dishes can't be cleaned, so they stack up and the clumps of leftover food start to reek. A great time for the insects! Ants race in orderly lines along the walls, mosquitoes and huge flying ants welcome us in every room.  But wait there's more, my all-time-favorite... MICE!

We females can't go anywhere by ourselves, must be with at least one guy and a girl. We must be covered from shoulder to toe. No sleeveless shirts and only long skirts to the foot, to show ankle is like being topless, apparently. Did I mention the heat here? Private time is only found in the bathroom. (less the mosquitoes) When out on the town, people stare at us as if we have three heads. No matter where we look they are groups of them whispering and staring!!! They seemingly don't believe in litter control. There is trash EVERYWHERE! The cows like to chew on it though, so I guess it's good for something...   We find a rickshaw man to bicycle us to anywhere with air conditioning and hope he speaks a little English. The streets are covered in filth and poop. Not a day goes by that I don't see men and beasts (namely cows and water buffalo) defecating in the streets. There is no such thing as a smooth road. I am very conscious of keeping my mouth closed during the trip as crunching dirt in my teeth is deeply unsavory. We are constantly watching our steps. One false move could land us in a rancid ditch of green sewage.

When we make it back home I can't wait to get to somewhere familiar and with potential solace. My bed. The other night I was trying to solve the mystery of gritty dirt on my bed. (the only place I have that is close to serenity) I brush it off in the morning and at night it reappears! I feverishly searched the surface and finally discovered it. .   . Mouse poop! All around my pillow and at the foot of the bed. I LOST IT! Yep, that's right, lost it! God, why am I here, What are you doing? Why!?

Among the physical challenges there is a spiritual oppression I can't fully explain. It is like when you can tell what kind of mood someone is in. They don't have to say anything, you can just sense it. That's what it's like here. We can sense a spiritual heaviness. Many of us are having a hard time sleeping and getting to sleep. Some had visions of bombings before we even knew there were bombings here in Delhi. 

I had a conversation with a very spiritually insightful man the other day. When I voiced some of the concerns we have here and my exasperation, he said we are like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the Bible who were thrown into the fiery furnace. They didn't deserve to be in there and probably questioned God as to why they were in there. Clearly, not a fun place to be, but God protected them and not even a smell of smoke was found on them. I asked, what did it benefit them to be in the fire? He answered maybe it wasn't to benefit them but for God to use them to benefit others around them. Which is certainly true in the story (Daniel 3:1). It gave me a better outlook on my life here. I have dedicated my life to furthering what God wants to do in and through me. Which is a major purpose of this trip. Not what I want, but what He wants.

God has truly protected us in every occasion on this race and I know He will continue to also. Please be patient with me, I'm still working through this. It is hardest to see the purpose of a trial when smack dab in the middle of it... I do hope that this is encouraging to you. :)

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. . . . Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

                                                        II Corinthians 4:8, 16

We left Durban and stayed in Johannesburg again for a few days and then off to meet the rest of the squad for the final gathering before we fly to India together.

We stayed at a hostel named "The Brown Sugar". (Yep, you're right, the place was as sketchy as the name implies.) We stayed there before without any problems so we stayed again. Besides, it was only going to be a few days then off to the airport and out of Africa.

After an 8 hour bus ride we finally arrived and 15 of us settled into one room. I got the same bed I had before. Not my favorite because it's the first one in front of the sliding glass door, cold and unsafe. Anyone could come in and out all hours of the night and my bed would be the first one they would see. I thought about the safety of my things as I slid them simply under the bed but still clearly in full view.

A few hours later, grabbed my sleeping bag (so warm and cozy in the chilly 60 degree weather,(( thanks Chris and Frances:)) a book, my beloved iPod and sought solitude in a quiet corner of another room. As I was reading, a few African men, dressed in Security jackets, came in the main door speaking in a low tone and waving a gun. At first, I just disregarded it and went back to my book. (They couldn't be serious)

They softly said, "This is an armed robbery get on the floor in the other room quickly!" One grabbed me by the arm and guided me to the bar room. I stopped him and grabbed my iPod, sleeping bag and got my shoes on just in case I had to eventually run. (Which in hindsight, was not such a good idea, I guess. It's funny how the mind works in situations of potential trauma.)

As I walked in, I found bodies laying face down on the tile floor in fear of being shot. The "guard" dog barked ferociously and Bob Marley blared into the eerie silence of a room full of people. I propped my head up a bit on my sleeping bag so I could get a look at their faces and what was going on. The men would come in and yell at us to stay down.   I heard him hit the owner in the face with his gun and ask for the money in the safe. He threatened him and us over and over, "I will shoot you dead!". . .   I kept my head down.

Apparently, my posture was not good enough and he walked over to me to put my face flat on the floor.          He said "Give me your phone!" I told him I didn't have one so he frisked me and demanded my iPod. He proceeded to yell in his African accent, "You Stupid!" as he ripped it away. I peaked out to see him walking away with it, white wires dangling by his side.   (I can't really describe the sickening feeling that brought.)

There I laid on the cold hard floor, face down, feeling the intense racing of my heart pounding throughout my core and intensely praying for God's Omnipotent protection. Amidst the swirl of surreal scenes running through my mind, I tried to think logically of what could be happening in our bedroom. Where are the rest of the girls? Are they okay? I haven't heard a gunshot, Thank God! I prayed for protection of all of our things also. I asked for a miracle. "God please blind their eyes that they would not even see what they came for and leave us!" Over and over I prayed feverishly until I felt a sense of Peace came over me. Strange. He is good!

I thought what they would see in the room. If they just took one bag, which is in full view, they would have my passport, my phone, all the team money I just pulled out as treasurer. (That would effect everyone), my camera and all the pictures... and what about my computer in the other room with Kelton!?"

After an eternity (about 20 minutes or so) they finally left. We slowly got up to check the others. Things were strewn about, a big mess on the ground. We had to step over random and odds and ends to get to the bedroom. We ran in and there they were, all 10 of them, huddled together on the floor, terrified. We held them as they shook uncontrollably.   As their guard began to fall, so did the heavy tears. With red, wet faces, they told us of how the robber cocked and pointed his gun at them and threatened them over and over. Their experience was clearly, a more intense scene than that in the bar room. 

After shared tears, stories and praise to God our Protector we checked the room for missing items. Miraculously, my bags were still there!!! Untouched!!!! Ha! Amazing!!! 

They took some of the team's big backpacks, full of clothes, some passports, cameras and phones. But strangely overlooked wallets, purses, computers and beloved personal items. Overall, they took only about 5% of all the things they could have taken! It was like they were blinded!!! 

A little later, Kelton came into the room and regretted to inform me that they got my computer.   (I was reminded that Jesus never had a computer... :) He gives and He takes away...

Happy to report that emergency passports were issued the next day and thanks to prayers, family and friends many items have been replaced. The emotion healing is a little more challenging, but we are getting through it. God is good and protected us!! We were not harmed and learned many valuable lessons.   Please continue to keep the team in your prayers. :)

We left the Brown Sugar the next morning and stayed the next few nights in Alabanza. To give you an idea of the place, think of "Little House on the Prairie". It was calm, quiet and freezing cold. The morning we left for India, it was so cold that I could see my breath in the shower. The next shower I was able to take was in Delhi, India. It was so hot and humid that I felt like I was sweating more when I got out than when I got in. 

Nonetheless, it's just good to be out of Africa.

Hi there!

Finally, a blog! I won't go into the details of how challenging it was to finally post this but here it is!  :)

My last blog was when we were leaving Swaziland and my blind friend Timbalayhe and headed to Durban for a homeless ministry. Here is the recap:

Durban was amazing and wonderful! We worked at a base in Tongaat, a place in the middle of seemingly nowhere, about 30 minutes from Durban and the Indian Ocean.

The name of the organization is Missions Ablaze and they are about 20 people strong working to feed the poor and give a good home to orphans.

Everyday we would unload a truck full of food that local grocery stores didn't want anymore, stock it up in their storage area and the next day deliver it to the homeless around the city. The beautiful Indian women made soup and we had thousands of loaves of bread to hand out. When we delivered the food we sat on the dirty floor of "miracle" vans (a miracle that they still ran.) and had the amazing opportunity to minister to the homeless. They stood in lines and happily received the food. Most smiled others grumbled. I remember one man who had a half of a two liter bottle that he wanted us to rinse out before we filled it with soup. It reeked of gasoline!!! (Apparently not used for his nonexistent vehicle...) We exchanged it for a clean container. It is so interesting how people think so differently.

Another goal for the visit was to make bunk beds for the orphans. Among the 3 of us, (others worked on painting at the orphanage) we trimmed, sanded and re-sanded, sawed, drilled, glued, varnished, lifted and shifted 50 beds! It was an amazing sense of accomplishment. But even greater was to listen to God speak to my heart as I worked with my hands. I felt His Love there. He told me to Love people wholeheartedly as I have been Loved, show others Grace with Joy and Serve, Serve, Serve! I found so much peace and strength in focusing on these truths. It encouraged me to give unconditionally to others. Especially those on the base and those who are not so lovable.

Because of this, I formed some deep and loving friendships! Every day they would amaze me with new selfless acts of kindness as I also put their needs before mine. It was a beautiful exchange and a great lesson to me to be the first to step out and give love instead of waiting to receive it first.   It is a much better return on investment!!!

The day we left they poured out their hearts to us of how they were blessed by our service and kindness. With tears and in hopes of seeing each other again, we said, "Good bye". Part of my heart will always be with them.

Average Day:

6:30 am      Prayer and devotions with the crew

7:00 am      Breakfast of oatmeal and possibly yogurt

8:00 am      Work on Beds

10:00 am    Tea Time! (My new favorite tradition!!!)

10:30 am    Back to work on beds OR go out and feed the poor.

12 noon      Lunch. - The biggest meal of the day and so tasty. A lot of lamb, rice, salad, potatoes.                               

1-5             Work/ Feeding

5:00            Dinner - Bread only

5:30            Unload the truck full of food

7ish            Team meeting

Overall a fulfilling time in Durban!

Less than 5 months to go in the race and the question rises with in me. "Have I done andam I doing what I came for?" "Am I fulfilling my purpose?" I want to change the world for the better and see lives changed and people healed. I want to make lives better and empower others to empower their loved ones and so on.

I am teaching, doing, loving, hugging, giving and sacrificing in every way I know how until it hurts. It still doesn't seem to be enough. The burden is too great for me. I will never be enough for the world.  Helpless. Then a reminder comes that it is in my weakness that He becomes stronger in me (IICor. 12:9).  It is only when I spend time reading the life instruction manual (the Bible), that I remember why I am here, the burdens become lighter. It says to die to self and what and focus on what He wants then fulfillment will come. The heart of the Father is the first commandment. LOVE! God is Love and the more I know Him the more I can fulfill my purpose.

Our month in Swaziland was incredible and a great teacher. At one of the care points I met a little life changer. His name is Timbalahe, which means, Great Hope. He met us at the van on the first day we arrived. His hands anxiously ran across the door awaiting our emergence. He had no idea who we were or why exactly we were there, just excited that we were. We greeted all of the children complete with runny noses, soiled and ripped clothes, which they wear everyday for months on end. They walk miles to simply get fed and learn some life lessons. The children are brilliant. Their glow far outshines their physical condition. Among all of them, there was one child stood out, little Timbalahe. At about seven years old he does everything the other children do. They walk miles in hilly dirt, carry water, learn hard lessons and try staying away from the many dangers of getting pushed into open fires and avoiding rabid dogs. However, he does it all completely blind.

I found him all alone in a corner holding a deflated old dirty soccer ball. I introduced myself even though it was not in his native Saswati tongue. I gently replaced his ball with the brand new one we had in the van. His face lit up... 

Over some time, we learned how to play together. We bonded so quickly that people commented, "You know he's blind, right?" as if to say, "You are wasting your time on that one" He is treated as if his life is useless here. However, by the grace of God, I was shown the perfectly normal boy within. I wish I could capture for you the way he lit up and giggled with delight as he tossed and received the new soccer ball. I gave him tons of hugs and verbal affirmations. His courage and inner light brought tears to my eyes and nourished my soul.

On the surface, a little boy had fun playing ball. But on a deeper level, I showered love on the unloved. I internally died to the thought of entertaining myself with a child who could be easier to work with and invested in a greater cause, Love. Hopefully that love encouraged others to reach outside themselves and think of the ones that are hard to love as loveable.

I am slowly but surely learning to stop thinking of myself first and painfully putting others feelings before mine and finally I fulfill not only my, but His purpose.

We have unexpectedly returned to civilization again so we can use the internet!  We dropped off our rental car and in a few hours head back to the camp site.

So far the time in Swaziland has been amazing.  We were able to see the AIM headquarters.  It is a humble and discrete building where the food sent from The States is stored.   We loaded up the van with boxes and headed to the Care Points.  These points are little shacks seemingly in the middle of nowhere.  Hungry kids from the area walk miles to be fed and taught valuable life lessons.  Some of the kids have families and some are orphans.

  We showed up at our first stop and started unloading the big boxes of food for them.  The children's eyes lit up and they smiled to see all of the food they were receiving.  There was something about lifting those heavy boxes walking it to a small dirty room and knowing the kids would be fed.  At each stop the GoGos (Grandmas) and a teacher cook food and nourish their minds and little bellies.  If the GoGos don't show up the kids don't eat.   They have been having a problem with this.  They don't know how to keep them coming and taking care of the children.

There is a teacher at each one there to teach the kids life skills and about Jesus' Love.  The teachers are fantastic.  They give the kids so much energy and love that it is so inspiring.  They are enthusiastic and loving.  The teachers do all of this on a strictly volunteer basis.  Imagine getting up in the morning and walking miles in the dirt to get to a broken down smelly shack to pour out all you have into kids that are not yours.  You cook and clean and love on them until you have no more to give.  Imagine doing all of this everyday without ANY pay.  Just the satisfaction of seeing kids grow and mature in the way they should go.  -Wow!

The GoGos work very hard at cooking and seeing that everyone gets taken care of.  Their only compensation is after they have worked for a long enough time (undetermined amount of time) they earn a sowing machine.  So after their long day in the sun working with kids they get to go home and make purses and hopefully sell them for some profit.  They are beautiful purses.   Our team bought a box full of them.

We are so blessed to be here.  Every morning we get up out of our damp tents drive to see the children and help with lessons, encourage the teachers and GoGos and help with cooking.  We give them a Bible lesson and help them learn by doing an entertaining skit to help the kids understand the message better. (Nothing like looking undignified for Jesus.)  At the end of the day the kids go home and we head back to camp.  There is usually enough time to go for a walk with the wild animals before the sun goes down.  We are camping in a safari area so we are all to close to lions, giraffe, zebra, warthogs, kudo, deadly snakes and the ever-present (and huge) ostriches, just to name a few.  Seeing these sights and living for the God that created them gives new meaning to life and encourages and strengthens us to go love on the kids the next day.

Thank you for all of your prayers and support!!!  I can feel the prayers and wouldn't be here helping others if not for your selfless donations.